Whether you side with Khalil Gibran who said “If it were not for guests all houses would be graves, or Benjamin Franklin who reportedly said that “Fish and visitors smell in three days” house guests are a reality for most of us. I’m a smoking hot mess much of the time. The work life hustle of raising three kids, numerous extra curricular activities and my day job means some of the genteel niceties of hosting guests slips through the cracks. Nevertheless I often enjoy having house guests. Usually they are beloved people I have collected through life either via genetics or life’s journeys. Having them as house guests means we get to spend more time together than if we just met for a meal when they are in town. We get to languidly laugh and chat over a glass of wine once the kids are finally asleep and the shared life experience of a few days together is a blessing. Whether it was the house guest that would sit at the dining table at 6 each evening waiting to be fed, or the house guest that stayed long past their welcome (seven weeks past their welcome) I’m not sure but I’ve reflected on who are the best house guests when it comes to visiting families with kids. In the interest of, well retained relationships and happy families everywhere I’ve decided to share some very important rules for house guests staying with families with kids. If they resonate feel free to share them with your own guests.
(1) Parenting advice. DON”T DO IT. As a house guest you have been given a front seat at the spectacle of this family’s mess, dysfunction and disputes. Think you could do a better job parenting the kidless of the house? Maybe you could, maybe you couldn’t just for the love of God don’t go there.
(2) Airport pick ups and drop offs. Expect that you will be making your own way to and from the airport. If you host offers to pick you up or drop you all well and good however the odds are your arrival time co-incides with a specialist appointment little Johnny has been waiting four months for. If your host doesn’t offer to pick you up they have a good reason.
(3) Don’t bring germs with you. Gastroenteritis or influenza can put a family of four out of action for 3 weeks not to mention the pure suffering they wreak on families. If you have a cold mention it to your host before you arrive. If you have any infectious illness that ranks higher the a mild cold put yourself up elsewhere until you are recovered.
(4) Cook a meal for the family. Nothing tastes better than food I haven’t had to prepare for myself. I’m assuming Im not the only mother that feels this way. Brownie points are earned with your host (read you’ll get an invite back) if you cook a meal for the family.
(5) Only stay with a family if you know the parents well. A family member that lived in New York would frequently have friends of friends, literally strangers to her ask if they could stay with her when they were in town. While this sort of arrangement by stingy people wanting to save money may be ok if the host is pre-kids it is not okay if there are kids in the house. The reason, the parents are likely just keeping their heads above water balancing their home life, a renegade stranger may just push the over the limit.
(6) Be your own tour guide. Unless you are a parent with kids visiting another family the odds are that the highlights on your travel bucket list are not going to match up with the toddler of the house’s idea of a good time. Be pro-active about getting out and seeing the local area independently, don’t expect your hosts to ferry you around.
(7) Give the parents a night out. Seriously, free babysitting is gold. You may be daunted at the idea of managing the kids for an entire evening but at least encourage the parents out to see a movie alone once the kids are asleep.
(8) There are some house guests who make life easier when they stay. They are the ones that help get the kids breakfast, fold a few items of laundry if they seem them (or 100) on the kitchen table, and distract the kids during witching hour when dinner is still cooking. Have a look around you and think. What can you do that will help? Help get dinner on the table or help this home be a bit happier for a few minutes. Then do it. Simple.
(9) Don’t feel you have to bring a gift for the kids. Following rules 1-8 is much more precious than a toy or chocolates. Save your money and share the love by being a great guest instead.
(10) No whizzy dizzies before bed. Seriously, those fun uncle types that jazz the kids up before bed time can just go stay at a local YHA.
Have I missed an important rule for house guests staying with families with kids? Let me know as a comment.
hi, this is a fun post, number 4 is welcomed anytime in our home and number 1, as you said don’t even go there !!!!
Such great advice. I especially appreciated the “no whizzy dizzies before bed”. Too true!
These are such great rules, and not only for families with kids. I love the helping out around the house and no parenting advice! I think another one is to respect the family schedule- be ready for quiet time after kids go to bed and if you offer to make dinner or suggest going out to dinner, ask when they usually eat dinner, the family might not be used to waiting until 9 o’clock at night.
this is a great post!I love the idea of making a meal (or maybe taking the hosts out) and/or free babysitting! Love that idea!
Staying with friends or relatives can be tricky instead of in a hotel can be tricky. You’ve got a practical list here of how to be a good guest.
Great post for house guests! No germs for sure!!
A fantastic blog indeed, rules must be followed by a house guest. However. I ain’t too harsh with all of the rules listed. I can bear to give a Airport drop off to the guest. I work at the airport and also has a firm named Tropical Immigration Australia. I would be glad if I could be of any of use to your readers.