Dear N,

I know you’ve been working hard at school all term and are tired.  To be honest, I’m a little tired too (okay, more than a little).  I’m also thrilled that you want to spend time with me during the school holidays.  When you complained to me the other day that I had to work in the school holidays and you wished I was a “housewife” my heart broke a little.  I understand that some of your friends mums aren’t in paid jobs outside the home, although I bet they work incredibly hard for their families without earning any money.  The thing is though, long before you came along I was smart, I had dreams of contributing to society and I worked hard, really hard to be a doctor.  I studied long hours for many years, I quite frankly had to look at and dealt with certain things that I didn’t want to (you have no idea what gross really is yet my son) and I learnt how to deal with people, with grumpy patients, and nurses that didn’t like young lady doctors, and hospital bosses that sometimes just didn’t seem to get it.

As you know since having the three of you it’s taken me a while to find a doctoring job that is a good fit for our family.  I’m actually really lucky – where I work now I can take time off to look after you if you are sick, and I work part time meaning on your curriculum days I can look after you.  Part of the deal for all of us in the work-force though is that we only get four or so weeks off work a year which is much less than you get off school.

I’m going to be honest – I don’t have to work.  Many mums that do work have to work to make sure there is food on their kid’s table.  We could feed you on Dad’s pay.  We wouldn’t be able to afford all the extras that we enjoy together as a family – going to movies, eating out and going on holidays.  We are very, very blessed that we can afford this as a family.  I am going to be honest again.  I don’t work so we can afford those things.  I work because as well as being your mum I am also me.  As it happens working as a doctor is incredibly important to your mum – I love using my brain, helping people, learning new things and spending time with the people I work with.  I don’t love staying at home all the time – even though I love you.  If I’m only your mum and Dad’s wife I feel like I’ve lost myself.  You have on occasion met Grumpy Mum I know.  Going to work helps keep Grumpy Mum away.

I actually understand your point of view better than you’d think.  I remember getting cross at your grandma when I was little that she wasn’t a stay at home mum, being desperate for her to help out at the school canteen.  As I’ve grown up I’ve come to be proud of your grandma for the woman and doctor she is, and I hope you will feel that way about me one day too.

I am a bit frustrated that you didn’t complain to Dad that he didn’t have the school holidays off work.  I’d like to hope that in our family Mum’s work life is valued as much as Dad’s.  I think perhaps you might have complained that Dad wasn’t a “house husband” instead of saying you wanted me to be a “house wife”.  I understand why you didn’t but allow me to be a little annoyed.

While I do have to work in the school holidays what I can promise you is this – that for weeks before each school holidays I agonise over what I am going to do with you on the days I do have to work.  Myself and the other parents at my work talk about it, compare notes and plan for our kids.  I spend hours on the computer researching the best school holiday programs for you to join.  I also plan each of our days off together so that we can have a wonderful time.

So my sweet, while you might want a different kind of mum – I’m the one you have and you’re stuck with me.  Enjoy your days at your school holiday program.  I can’t wait to hear all about it.

Love Mum

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